Dear Geneviève,

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I’m writing to you from 2024. Here are some reflections—perhaps useful, even if a little late—that might guide you over the next twenty years.

Motherhood is both sublime and challenging. You’ll experience highs and lows that aren’t always predictable. Embrace the paradox instead of striving for perpetual perfection and feeling guilty when it’s not achieved.

Spend more evenings enjoying your family instead of aiming for the perfectly balanced meal. Keep birthdays simple—it’s less costly, and it’s the moments with friends that count.

Skip homemade cakes, syrups, or jams, unless they truly bring you joy. What matters is distinguishing what genuinely excites you from what you think you should do because it’s expected of a “dedicated mother.”

Spend less time organizing and cleaning. Laundry, dishes, and order work in cycles; it’s never-ending. It’s fine if things are clean enough for everyone to be safe, dressed, and in reasonable health. Nothing needs to be, nor can it ever be, perfect. Everything is in constant change.

Even the tough phases will pass (though they may feel long).

Say “No” more often, especially to things you’re expected to do or feel obligated to do—whether at work, with family, or with friends. People will love you anyway. At work, maybe they’ll like you a bit less, but they’ll manage, and they may even learn from it.

Choose your battles wisely, especially professionally. Being right too early can be costly, and fighting to be right is often a wasted effort.

Just because you have the “abilities” (you’ve heard this all your life, without anyone really asking what you wanted to do with them), doesn’t mean you should do something just because you’re capable. Make choices that align with who you are, and if you make mistakes, it’s okay. Few choices are truly final.

Work less but better, in a more strategic way. Don’t bring the toxic parts of your work life home with you.

Take the time to explore who you are outside of a relationship or the desire to be in one. You might discover an ocean of freedom, space, and time. From this place, reflect on what you want in a romantic relationship.

If you feel miserable, if you dislike who you are in a friendship or relationship, step away.

Learn patience. You don’t need to know everything immediately or make quick decisions. Some things take time, and pushing like a bulldozer will only exhaust you.

You don’t need to chase jobs, projects, adventures, training, and experiences nonstop. Intensity is an addiction; manage your consumption.

Embrace emptiness and uncertainty. They are allies if you learn to dance with them.

Ask for help more often, and let yourself be supported. The “Strong Independent Woman” in you can be a force that doesn’t always have your best interests at heart. You don’t need to handle everything on your own (even if it offers the illusion of control).

Cherish and nurture your friends. They will be there when everything else falls apart.

Care for your body with gentle discipline and tenderness—it’s your vehicle for this life, not something to mistreat, neglect, or overly control.

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Drink less.

Expectations are poison in relationships. Start from what is happening, instead of lamenting that things didn’t go as expected or that your expectations were “disappointed.”

Trust your children, but only moderately trust the school system.

Teach your daughters to become who they want to be. Show them the way by leading by example.

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Life is a grand joke, with a good dose of dark humor.

You will get through it, even when things are really awful, even when you’re too exhausted to get back up, even when it’s just too much.

With Love,
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Geneviève

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